Letters, Unsent

Dear NCIS: LA,

I've been watching your premier season with interest, since original-flavor NCIS is one of my favorites. However, your first two episodes have disappointed and concerned me.

The plot "twist" in the first episode was obvious, and the reveal that G doesn't know what his own first name is was ridiculous. He's supposed to be a well-trained NCIS Agent, and he's never done the research to figure out his real first name? What, is the boss lady going to figure it out and surprise him with it? It would probably take her less than an hour of research. But I would consider the hour of my life I spend watching an episode with that sort of first name reveal an hour totally wasted, and go ahead and bill you for my time.

In the second episode, I noticed that G and LL spend several scenes walking along the beach. The weather there looks lovely, and I couldn't help but notice that most of the background extras are dressed appropriately for the beach--shorts, short-sleeved shirts, etc. However, both G and LL are wearing long pants and long-sleeved shirts. It's not like their job has a dress code--I recall the techie guy wearing board shorts in the office. Would it be a big deal to put LL in a short-sleeved shirt? I don't care what G wears; let's be honest, Chris O'Donnell isn't exactly known for his physique. But I think you're missing some excellent opportunities for LL to show off his buff. Seriously, in one scene, he's boxing a heavy bag. While wearing a long-sleeved shirt. If that scene doesn't scream "shirtless LL," I don't know what would.

Don't try to tell me that LL Cool J is trying to be taken more seriously as an actor by keeping his shirt on, either. I'd believe that as easily as I believe that an experienced NCIS agent hasn't figured out the big mystery of his own first name.

Shape up, NCIS: LA. You've got one more episode to prove yourself before I free up that valuable space on my DVR.

Sincerely (I would totally forgive crappy plots if LL never wore a shirt),
GuavaGal

*****

Dear New Friend on Facebook:

Yes, it HAS been a while! When you moved away in elementary school, I never thought I'd see you again. Imagine my surprise when I ran across your posting of our second grade class photo on another friend's page. I doubt you could ever begin to imagine my even greater surprise when you told me you've thought of me often over the last twenty(ish) years and that your mother is "just going to cry" when she finds out that we've connected via the world wide web. I don't have any idea why she thought I was "such an angel" back in the day, since we weren't exactly friends then. My most vivid memory of you in the second grade days is when you pushed me down on the concrete basketball court during recess, and I sported a twin set of scabby kneecaps for a week.

I will be sending a pleasant, but vague, response to your email. When you email me again, I will let that email languish in my IN box for weeks. I just don't know what to say to you, dude. And frankly, you're kind of giving me the creeps. This "beautiful lady" is glad you live outside Texas.

Take care (to just go ahead and pretend we're still not actually friends),
GuavaGal

*****

Dear Drive-Thru Starbucks Within Walking Distance of my House + On My Way to Work:

Is this love, that I'm feeling? Is this the love, that I've been searcing for? Is this love, or am I dreaming? This must be love, 'cuz it's really got a hold on me. A hold on me!

Love (it's got a hold on me!),
GuavaGal