Thursday, October 29, 2009

Green Light Girl

I've given the green light for set-ups.

The last time I was out in the dating world, I was pretty much surrounded by guys. Guys in class (college), guys in bars (drunk), guys on the bus (UT shuttle). It was rainin' men, and I took it for granted.

Now, even though I still leave the house pretty much every day, I'm surrounded by the same people most of the time. At work, I do work with mostly men, though not anyone whose friends I'd want to date. Okay, there IS a really cute fella at work. He's five years younger than my fake age (which gets further away from my actual age at every birthday, ha!) and even though I'm not technically his boss, we're on the same team and work together every day. But he's tall, and handsome, and easy to talk to. We like a lot of the same things. Early one morning, he texted me to see if I could give him a ride to work because his truck wasn't running. When he hopped into my car that morning, fresh out of the shower in his freshly pressed white dress shirt, I have to admit that I was a little speechless. The kid was looking goooood.

Then I remembered that the kid has a really bad habit of constantly adjusting his, uhh. . .personal business. Evidently, he has some sort of issue or at the very least is unable to purchase appropriately-fitted underwear. And there was that one time when I mentioned Shelley Long, and he didn't know who she was, so I referenced her character on Cheers and he thought that must have been before he was born. Reasons eleventy billion and elevently billion and one that the kid is not for me.

I digress. When I'm out in public, I'm generally with married friends, and we're not hanging out in bars lookin' for dudes. If I'm at someone's house for some sort of group event, it's me and the marrieds. Occasionally, one of the husbands will include a single friend, but I've known them long enough to know those single friends are not for me. Y'all can keep your Dupree.

Besides: for the last many years, I didn't want to scope out or figure out how to meet single dudes. And now I realize that my many trips to Home Depot over the last several months aren't exactly like the college days. Not to mention that I am not always looking my best when picking out paint.

So, I'm putting the word out on the street. I realized I need to be specific, because apparently there are things that I assumed would go without saying. . .and evidently, they do not. That is, a random guy you see getting into a jaguar at the grocery store does not automatically equal my future husband, MOM. (Disclaimer: neither of my parents are reading this blog as far as I know.)

My future husband is tall. I know that many ladies want a fella who is taller than they are, and I am no exception. But, I am also 5'10" barefoot. And I have a propensity for 2 inch heels. I briefly dated a guy in college who was 5'11", and I felt really self-conscious. I like a fella who makes me feel normal-sized, and so that fella must be a minimum of six feet tall. In an ideal world, my future husband is 6'4". People making an effort to set me up have come to expect that my first question will be "how tall is he?"

He's a good person, which encompasses a lot of key traits and values that may be hard to define for some people. Basically, I consider a good person to be the kind of guy you'd feel comfortable setting up with your sister. He is respectful, and kind. He has a big heart. He is honest, and he cares. He will be an excellent husband and father.

My future husband is ambitious and hard-working. Also: employed. I know the economy is tough, but I think that if he is looking for work, he is not in a mental place to be dating me. I want someone who knows what he wants in life, and is willing to work hard for it. I do not want the guy who said one of the five things he could not live without is a maid. My future husband is smart, and has goals in his career and his life.

He is easy-going and knows how to have fun. He may even be young at heart, but not younger than 30 in years. (If he's in his mid-thirties, all the better.) My ideal relationship only has room for one Type A personality, and I pretty much have got that covered. I would love for him to make me laugh, or at least laugh along with me when I'm laughing at myself.

I would really like for my future husband to have similar political views as I do. At the very least, it will make things a lot easier for him when he's spending time with my family. I don't care if he isn't very passionate about politics--heck, my ex voted for Perot and only registered to vote in Williamson County after I badgered him into it. But I think if my future husband has similar political views as me, he is likely to have similar values to mine. And if he's the same religion I am, even better. If he isn't religious, okay, but I want him to at least consider and be open to my religious views.

My future husband list gets pretty picky after these few major items. But I think I can figure out how much of the rest of the "must have" list is negotiable after a date or two, right?

Monday, October 26, 2009


My 730 days have ended, and I've decided to call for a do-over.

But, instead of making a big ol' list of "Must DO," I'm thinking about keeping a list of good things I'm doing. I mean, who has time to keep track of how many times per week they're cooking a full meal? Not I, said the fly.

Besides, at least 300 of my last 730 days were pretty much the opposite of what I expected. Instead of devoting my time to improving myself, I devoted my time to keeping myself from unraveling. Since I'm feeling pretty good on the "holding it together" front, I'm ready to get to the good stuff.

Introducing: Good Stuff for Bettering.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009


Sometimes, my Dad randomly mentions things that are on his mind.

Dad: You know, a first date is a lot like a job interview. You may not necessarily want the job, but it's good to get more information before you decide.

Me: So Mom mentioned the guy with the crazy ex who may have asked me on a lunch date?

Dad: It might be good to get more information.

Me: Dad, let's just say this is a "job" I know I don't want.

Dad: But. . .free lunch, right?

Me: A wise person once told me nothing in life is free, DAD.


I emailed James on Sunday evening:


You're right, (noting the cheesey joke I'd made about lunch place.) haha!

I actually don't get over to (lunch place) very often. I'm one of those lame people who brings their lunch and works through at their desk. . .anything I can do to try and wrap things up before dark. You know how it is in today's economic times: more work for fewer folks.

Anyway, I'm keeping an eye on the MRSG calendar--hopefully I get out to another event soon.



In retrospect, I see that I have not been up front enough about not wanting to spend time with him on a one-on-one basis. Why did I throw in the part about the single group calendar and going to another event? And since when do I talk about the economy with people I barely know?

He responded the next morning:


Good to hear from you! (More kidding around about an item at the lunch place.)

So, no (lunch place) dining for you? Well, if you change your mind, give me a call. here's my work number (work phone number).



I picked up lunch to go from (lunch place) yesterday. Yeah, I was in a hurry yesterday morning to get to work for an early meeting and didn't have time to put together my own lunch at home. I was totally paranoid the entire time that he'd be there. I was fast.

I'm not going to respond to his email. If I go to another event, and he's there. . .well, I'll just jump off that bridge when I come to it.

Friday, October 2, 2009


I have five non-work email addresses. Yes, I'm aware that's more than the average person might use, but here's the break-down:

1 email address linked to my former (married) nest name

1 email address linked to my new (now divorced) nest name

1 email address from when I first started gmail , which includes my real first name and my real maiden name (and where I get a lot of email for other ladies with that name--I call us Valerie Jones)

1 email address that I switched to when I got married, and includes my married last name

1 email address that is similar to my real first name & maiden name, which I use for facebook and when meeting new people (i.e. the group I recently dined with)

Perhaps you see where this is going?

James (with the crazy ex) from the dinner party emailed me yesterday.

Let me back up a little bit: at the dinner party, everyone talked a little bit about where they work. Turns out James and I work within a couple of blocks of each other. So during dinner, he mentioned that he often eats at a place close to our offices, and I made a lame joke about the place because I go there sometimes, too.

So his email mentioned the lame joke I made & suggested we meet there for lunch sometime since we both work so close. (sigh) I don't want to have lunch with him! Sure, he could just be suggesting a friendly non-date-like lunch. But. . .I don't really see myself being friends with the dude. And, I always eat lunch at my desk and work through--that way, I get out of the office a little earlier in the evenings than I would otherwise. UGH!

I have really got to be more careful when & where I put out the Single Lady vibe.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Letters, Unsent

Dear NCIS: LA,

I've been watching your premier season with interest, since original-flavor NCIS is one of my favorites. However, your first two episodes have disappointed and concerned me.

The plot "twist" in the first episode was obvious, and the reveal that G doesn't know what his own first name is was ridiculous. He's supposed to be a well-trained NCIS Agent, and he's never done the research to figure out his real first name? What, is the boss lady going to figure it out and surprise him with it? It would probably take her less than an hour of research. But I would consider the hour of my life I spend watching an episode with that sort of first name reveal an hour totally wasted, and go ahead and bill you for my time.

In the second episode, I noticed that G and LL spend several scenes walking along the beach. The weather there looks lovely, and I couldn't help but notice that most of the background extras are dressed appropriately for the beach--shorts, short-sleeved shirts, etc. However, both G and LL are wearing long pants and long-sleeved shirts. It's not like their job has a dress code--I recall the techie guy wearing board shorts in the office. Would it be a big deal to put LL in a short-sleeved shirt? I don't care what G wears; let's be honest, Chris O'Donnell isn't exactly known for his physique. But I think you're missing some excellent opportunities for LL to show off his buff. Seriously, in one scene, he's boxing a heavy bag. While wearing a long-sleeved shirt. If that scene doesn't scream "shirtless LL," I don't know what would.

Don't try to tell me that LL Cool J is trying to be taken more seriously as an actor by keeping his shirt on, either. I'd believe that as easily as I believe that an experienced NCIS agent hasn't figured out the big mystery of his own first name.

Shape up, NCIS: LA. You've got one more episode to prove yourself before I free up that valuable space on my DVR.

Sincerely (I would totally forgive crappy plots if LL never wore a shirt),


Dear New Friend on Facebook:

Yes, it HAS been a while! When you moved away in elementary school, I never thought I'd see you again. Imagine my surprise when I ran across your posting of our second grade class photo on another friend's page. I doubt you could ever begin to imagine my even greater surprise when you told me you've thought of me often over the last twenty(ish) years and that your mother is "just going to cry" when she finds out that we've connected via the world wide web. I don't have any idea why she thought I was "such an angel" back in the day, since we weren't exactly friends then. My most vivid memory of you in the second grade days is when you pushed me down on the concrete basketball court during recess, and I sported a twin set of scabby kneecaps for a week.

I will be sending a pleasant, but vague, response to your email. When you email me again, I will let that email languish in my IN box for weeks. I just don't know what to say to you, dude. And frankly, you're kind of giving me the creeps. This "beautiful lady" is glad you live outside Texas.

Take care (to just go ahead and pretend we're still not actually friends),


Dear Drive-Thru Starbucks Within Walking Distance of my House + On My Way to Work:

Is this love, that I'm feeling? Is this the love, that I've been searcing for? Is this love, or am I dreaming? This must be love, 'cuz it's really got a hold on me. A hold on me!

Love (it's got a hold on me!),